Apprehension

So, tomorrow is Moose’s big appointment at the diagnostic center.  Already, my heart is in my throat.  Part of me wonders if I will ever feel “normal” again, because ever since I called Early Intervention (thus admitting that there was a problem), I’ve been feeling slightly off center.

I’m so worried about what they’re going to tell me.  What if the diagnosis is more than the sensory issues the therapists have been preparing me for?  Obviously worrying about autism here.  Yes, I know that the “official” diagnosis won’t change who Moose is, won’t change how much we love him, should actually help him get the help he needs, but still….there’s something daunting about having a label placed on him that may follow him his whole life.  I know I shouldn’t worry about the future, have no business even thinking about what future years will hold for him, but I can’t help but think ahead to whether or not he’ll be able to have a career, a family, be independent, depending on the diagnosis.  Which I know is ridiculous, because, again, whatever word they put to it won’t change who he is or the path he’s on.  I know that I should just be grateful that whatever we’re dealing with isn’t life-threatening, doesn’t affect his health, shouldn’t affect his happiness.  But my mommy heart is still heavy…

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