Four previous pregnancies, and I’ve never had a miscarriage before.
It sucks.
One thing I have learned, though, is how many other people have suffered the same thing. I guess it’s just not something generally talked about–I know I wouldn’t want to remember or talk through this ordeal, unless I thought it might be of some comfort to someone else struggling. But once people know that you’re a member of the “club,” too, they open up and share their stories. And it is comforting, if also depressing, to know others have walked the same path.
The thing that bothers me most is that we didn’t make it far enough to know who this little person was. How can you give a child a name if you don’t even know its gender? So I guess we will always remember this baby simply as “Baby.”
This has also been particularly bothersome to Turkey. But we talked about it, and decided that even if we don’t know who Baby was, God does, and has given him or her the name he or she was supposed to have. And there’s some comfort in that. He has a reason for everything, after all, even when we can’t see it, and He knows all, when we don’t even have a clue.
The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the Name of the Lord.
I’m terribly sorry for your family’s loss. We miscarried our first child. One thing we did, that helped, is sponsor a child overseas with the same birthdate as our due date. It was one way we could always remember our first child even though we never knew if our baby was a he or she.
You have my prayers during this time.
Amamda, I’m praying for you guys. It is ok to mourn for the baby. If choosing a name is important then maybe you could let Turkey choose something like Jesse or Sam which is commonly used for both boys and girls? Or a word like “Love”.
Go ahead and cry or do whatever you need to do. Every baby should have someone who cares enough to cryno matter the length of their life.
Heidi, thank you so much for that idea! Jesse (for a boy) was actually a name we briefly discussed. I feel like some of the weight has been lifted now, knowing the baby can have a name after all.
Thanks for the kind words and prayers!