I am anxiously awaiting the start of the second trimester of my pregnancy the way that pregnant women, particularly those who have previously suffered a loss, tend to do. The second trimester tends to be the time when you stop holding your breath, where you start to relax and stop worrying, (as much), about every little thing that could go wrong. At the beginning of the second trimester, you generally let out a big sigh of relief that now the odds are in your favor, and that everything should be OK.

While I am looking forward to that feeling, for me right now, it’s more than just that. I’m really hoping that the second trimester brings the return of my energy, and allows me to see a return to my normal productivity levels. Because I’ve been doing a horrible job of keeping up with the things I’m supposed to do!

The laundry and cooking I’ve been able to mostly keep up with, in that our clothes are washed and clean, but often not folded, and we’ve eaten all of our meals, (well, I haven’t, but that’s because I’ve felt so sick), but there have been a lot of leftovers involved. So we’re clean, and nobody’s starving, which I guess is a good start, but it’s hardly my best work.

The rest of the housework? Total disaster. I’m embarrassed at the thought of even having anyone drop by, because my floors are not as clean as they should be, and I haven’t been diligent about making the children clean up their shoes, toys, and books. It’s all I can do to muster up the energy to do basic tasks these days, like loading the dishwasher and cleaning the bathrooms. I’ve never felt this way with a pregnancy before, and it’s making me very frustrated with myself, because I hate not doing the things on my daily and weekly to-do lists the way I’m supposed to.

Really, the only thing I’ve managed to keep up with well is our schoolwork, and even that’s been a struggle. I’ve been very dedicated to making sure that we get all of our daily lessons done, but I have, on occasion, dozed off in the schoolroom while Turkey and Bunny have been working on workbooks. We’ve managed to get everything done that we *have* to do, and even our electives, through sheer force of will. I sure am looking forward to the time when the sound of my own voice during read-aloud time doesn’t lull me into wanting to fall asleep, though!