“Yeah, if we had more men like you, we’d have less men like you.” Captain Hawkeye Pierce, “White Gold,” season three, episode 23

“Quiet or I’ll use you to clean a cannon!” Lt. Colonel Sam Flagg, “White Gold,” season three, episode 23

“It’s not terribly dry inside an oyster, Frank.” Major Margaret Houlihan, “Payday,” season three, episode 22

“Klinger. You are lower than a pregnant snail.” Lt. Colonel Henry Blake “Payday,” season three, episode 22

“An oyster irritated for over a year to form these spherical delights.” Kim Chung Quoc, “Payday,” season three, episode 22

“Uh, he had what we call in Korea a real fertilizer face.” Kim Chung Quoc, “Payday,” season three, episode 22

“It’ll take a little work before it’s only terrible.” Corporal Maxwell Klinger, “Aid Station,” season three, episode 19

“Some dessert? Would you like to see the pastry tank? We have some military favorites. Napoleonic war, Pie Alamo, Caramel Custer.” Captain Hawkeye Pierce, “Aid Station,” season three, episode 19

“Damn Stalin, Truman, or whoever!” Corporal Maxwell Klinger, “Aid Station,” season three, episode 19

“I’m from Toledo. My mother was mugged bringing me home from the hospital.” Corporal Maxwell Klinger, “Aid Station,” season three, episode 19