Month: August 2008

Conform to Survive?

I read this quote on a forum I frequent today, and it’s been bugging me ever since:

“Conformity is like a survival skill really. There has to be some comformity to avoid being harassed.”

To provide a little context, the conversation was based around a woman who has a daughter with Asperger’s.  Her daughter is eight, and going into the third grade, and although intellectually she functions at a fifth grade level, developmentally, she’s at about a four-year-old level.  Anyway, this little girl wanted a character backpack for school this year, specifically a Baby Jaguar bag from the TV show Go Diego Go. Yes, this bag is a little young for someone of her age.  And yes, it would probably be beneficial for mom to steer her away from choosing that style if she wants to avoid excessive teasing.  I can appreciate that, because it’s horrible to be made fun of, and even worse to have to watch your child go through that.

What I don’t get, however, is the advice she started getting from other mothers.  Apparently (and I don’t have experience with this yet, as my children aren’t old enough), the popular thing in that age group is Hannah Montana and High School Musical.  The first advice she was given was to steer her daughter toward a bag with one of those themes, if she “had” to have a character bag in the first place.  You know, help her fit in more.  Not really my style, but whatever.  The thing is, the daughter doesn’t like those shows, and isn’t really even aware of them.  She doesn’t want to watch them, talk about them, or get stuff merchandised with them.  Which, I would argue is entirely appropriate given her developmental age level.

But some mothers took it even farther.  The basically told this mother: “you should sit down with her and make her watch those shows, and hope that gets her to like it, and then she’ll be doing things that other kids her age are doing.”  Now, I’m sorry, but this advice is just appalling.  First of all, if the girl is developmentally that behind, she shouldn’t be watching shows that are so far over her comprehension.  It’s just inappropriate.  We wouldn’t be encouraging (I hope!) a four-year-old to watch those shows, so why would we encourage a child who is at that developmental level to watch?  Never mind that I don’t really get why eight-year-olds are watching a show called High School Musical–isn’t high school a teenager thing? But again, whatever.  Second of all, it just makes me crazy that we are so obsessed with fitting in in this world that we would actually encourage a mother to try to force her child to watch a show the child doesn’t like, and is not even developmentally ready for, just so she can fit in.  Is TV that important that we really need to push that issue?  I really hope not, because if it is, my children are in serious trouble!

So, the quote above is from the eight-year-old’s mother.  I’m assuming that because she has become accustomed to dealing with a daughter with a developmental issue, she is particularly sensitive to trying to help her child fit in with other kids her age.  But I still think it’s terrible that we push conformity to that extent, instead of celebrating our differences.  On one hand, sure, you need to learn to get along with others and cooperate in society (this does not necessarily mean you need to conform to survive!)–you wouldn’t last long in a job as an adult if you didn’t get that figured out.  On the other hand, though, you need to know who you are, especially if you’re a Christian, so that you don’t let others dictate your likes, dislikes, and most importantly, beliefs.

I find this attitude especially troubling, because this conversation took place on a Christian forum, among Christian mothers.  If anybody should be not worried about conforming, especially to what’s popular in the world, isn’t it Christians?  Doesn’t the fact that we’re Christians in the first place pretty much guarantee that in a lot of ways (maybe even most ways) we’re never really going to conform?  I’m not saying she should throw her to child to the lions to be made fun of, but I wish she could have the confidence in herself, and her daughter, to encourage her to be the child God made her to be, instead of trying to fit in so much with the world.

Just to Clarify

I just wanted to point out that I was in no way criticizing the way my church handled VBS this year.  The volunteers did an awesome job teaching and caring for my children (and the director did a fantastic job of making sure everything got done, and that there were enough volunteers to do it–no small task, and not one I want to undertake again for quite some time–I don’t think I’ve recovered from my experience six years ago!), the crafts were neat (especially the stepping-stones!), the music was fun and memorable, and my children learned more about Jesus and had a great time!  I just wish our churches had more and/or better options from which to choose, while still being confident that what they are teaching is doctrinally appropriate.

Jerusalem Marketplace

I’m not really talking about Group’s VBS from this year. Honestly. At least not intentionally.

My mom visited us this week, and she brought a DVD she had put together of some videos from my childhood. One of those was some random video from a Vacation Bible School program that my church put on when I was about seven. I was ecstatic to see this, because of all the VBS programs I attended (and even the ones I’ve volunteered at–sadly, even ones in recent memory!) this is the one year I really remember. I can still remember many of the craft projects, and as soon as I saw the video, more came rushing back. I still remember being outside at the church, because almost all of that year’s program was held outside. There were tents set up, just like a marketplace from Bible times, each one with a different purpose or activity. All the volunteers were in costume–mostly “robes” made out of sheets and sandals, but it really lent an air of authenticity. I remember sounds and smells and impressions more strongly than most memories I have from that period of my childhood.

I mention all this because this Vacation Bible School obviously made a huge impact on me. Not in a “make a decision for Jesus” sort of way (I’m a Lutheran; we don’t do that!), but in a “I really learned a lot about Jesus and His life” sort of way.

I have no idea where my church got the program. For all I know, it was put together by church leaders (actually, it was a joint operation between two churches in my old town, so it could have been put together by a lot of people!), or it could have been purchased. From Googling the title, I have discovered one thing–Group Publishing had a VBS kit this year that was very similar to what I remember from my childhood. Did Group buy it from another company that created the one I remember? Who knows. I have a hard time believing that my church would have gotten the program from Group directly in the mid-80s. I know they were around then, but I don’t think they were that well known, and I just can’t really see my church having used them. Did somebody involved in that VBS actually write the program and sell it to Group at some point later? Also possible–I know several people who have sold stuff to Group and/or work for Group, so I can’t discount that possibility. Is it a big coincidence? Also possible, I suppose, although not as likely, because there seem to be just too many things in common for that to be the case.

At any rate, watching the video has reminded me of a lot of the cool things we did that summer, and also either triggered memories or created ideas (sometimes it’s hard to tell between what I actually remember, and what the church worker in me knows is a good idea!) of other things. I would love to someday either re-create this VBS, or rework Group’s version to make it more appropriate (is that the right word?) for my church. Probably not for a few years at least, because I don’t want to undertake anything huge while my children are still so small, but it’s something to ponder for the time being.

Craft Projects

  • Jewelry making–both punched metal (using hammer and nails, I think) and pottery
  • Basket weaving
  • Musical instrument making (the one I remember involved metal bottle caps loosely nailed to wood we painted)
  • Brick making, stamping mud and all!
  • Scroll making
  • Making those yarn cat’s eye things
  • Rope making
  • Making a Dreidel and playing the game
  • Candy making (ours was honey based)

Other Ideas

  • The storyteller (this was the way the day’s Bible story was conveyed–this role happened to be played by my mom, which is probably why I remember it!)
  • Bible stories acted out by the pastoral staff (Seeing two of my childhood pastors on the video re-enacting the Good Samaritan brought this memory back)
  • Copying English and Hebrew translations of a Bible verse (conveniently on the scrolls made in craft time)
  • Jewish dancing
  • Music time, of course
  • Jewish games (see Dreidel game, above)

Just looking at Group’s website, I got some other ideas, but I digress. This is about what I remember from my childhood, not what’s out there now. The point is, because it was all so hands-on (notice the huge amount of crafts–I’m guessing we probably did at least two every day, even though I can’t seem to remember them all right now), it was much more memorable.

Now, I will admit, I don’t remember a lot about the individual Bible stories. Of course, when you go to a Lutheran dayschool, and learn about Jesus at home everyday, it’s kind of hard to separate what you learned where, so I don’t know that I don’t remember the Bible portion because it wasn’t well done. What’s important is that I remember that week at all, and that I learned, and can still remember, what daily life must have been like for Jesus and His family and friends. I just can’t help but think that this is a lot more effective than a lot of the programs that are out there today (sorry CPH!).

My children had a great time at VBS this year, and I loved hearing what they learned about every day and seeing the crafts they made. They’re still singing some of the songs, so it clearly made an impact. But I have to wonder if they’ll remember it over 20 years from now, like I do with the Jerusalem Marketplace, or if it will just become a vague mist in the back of their minds and hearts. I guess as long as we keep teaching them at home, it doesn’t really matter, but what about those children that aren’t getting that kind of reinforcement at home? I hope their VBS experiences are memorable enough that they’ll look back on them as adults, and remember something about Christ’s love for us, and His death and resurrection.

It’s making me absolutely crazy that I’m liking something Group has done for VBS. That’s the Vacation Bible School for lazy people! (I don’t care what anyone says–it’s true! Isn’t their whole selling point that the volunteers don’t have to put in a lot of effort? It’s really too bad that churches are so hard up for volunteers that we have to water down the program to make it easy enough to get people to commit to helping!) I’m going to have to work on coming to terms with this. Very weird.

Garden Update

So, here’s what’s going on in the garden:

  • 4 Beefsteak tomatoes and 10 Roma tomatoes currently on the vine–none have ripened yet.
  • 2 yellow summer squash growing–we had a third, but it shriveled.
  • 1 zucchini getting bigger by the minute!
  • 2 very small, very cute jalepeños
  • 3 celery plants that actually look like (small) celery
  • And, what I can only describe as two basil bushes!

I had four broccoli plants, one of them died, and, quite frankly, the others aren’t looking so hot…the one that died was on the flood end of the garden, and the one that was next to it is the other worst looking.  I still have some hope for one of them, but we’ll see.  I’ve also lost one zucchini plant, and the other two didn’t look so good, but at least one of them is producing fruit, and the other one has blossomed, so we’ll see what we get out of those.

The cucumbers have been interesting.  Lost one plant early, and I thought one of them was stunted, but that one has really taken off recently.  Tons of blossoms, and lots of little cucumbers starting, but most have shriveled.  I did have one get to maturity, which I actually just picked, and we’ll be slicing into soon. Not sure what went wrong with the others, but hopefully the one I have will be good!  I also had one incident with a cucumber plant vining onto the celery…had to untangle it.  Didn’t know they’d grow so fast or be so aggressive–hope they don’t try to vine onto me!

The radishes I planted didn’t turn out so well, but the carrots are doing OK.  We sampled one, and I think they need a little more time, but soon…

The onions all bombed–maybe root vegetables and I don’t get along so well!

The cilantro was awesome, grew really fast, flavored some of our food really well.  I did not know, however, how quickly it flowers, and I also didn’t know that once it flowers, it’s done growing, so that ended pretty fast.

Anyway, that’s what’s new in our garden.  I’m still hoping for some semi-homemade pico with the tomatoes and jalapeños, even if I will have to buy the onions and cilantro for it!  Mostly, I just want some nice, fresh tomatoes, and it’s looking good on that front–just need some more time.