A Different Kind of Heartache

For the last, I don’t know, year-and-a-half to two years that I realized Moose wasn’t talking the way he should, I’ve experienced many sorrows over his lack of speech. Not knowing what he was thinking or feeling, not knowing what kinds of things he knew or understood, even something simple, like not really knowing what his speaking voice sounds like. That’s slowly been improving over the last year-plus–he still doesn’t really have words to express his feelings or what he wants, but he is starting to identify stuff, and we are getting an idea of his voice. These are great improvements!

But, I’ve discovered a new heartache, and this one is possibly worse. He is trying so hard to talk, and maybe he’s even trying to tell me what he’s thinking. But I can’t understand him. He will stand there and look at me with this very serious expression, and try to say *something* but I don’t know what it is. It’s heart-breaking not to be able to understand your own child, especially when he’s trying so hard to tell you something.

Before, I felt bad for him, because he seemed trapped inside a world without speech, but on the other hand, he didn’t seem to mind. When he wasn’t really trying to talk, and didn’t really seem to care if he did or not, it was hard on me, as a mother, but he seemed blissfully unaware of his struggle. But now, he has something to say, and the person that should be able to understand him best can’t figure out what he’s saying, much less people who are around him less. And I can only assume that even if it hasn’t bothered him yet, as he tries to tell me stuff more, with little to no success, it’s going to frustrate him.

Hopefully, now that he is talking, his speech therapist at school will be able to help him become more understandable. He clearly has things to say, and his mommy really wants to hear it!

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