Rule #1–When you go in for a minor surgical procedure, and they specifically tell you not to make any important decisions for the next 24 hours, this does include shopping online. Specifically, it includes ordering a dress from Macy’s that you really can’t afford when you’re sleepless thanks to aforementioned surgical procedure, and the events leading up to it. So, no decisions, no shopping.

Rule #2–For the love of heaven, when said dress arrives, do not try it on! Probably don’t even open the box–just take the whole thing immediately back to Macy’s and return as quickly as possible.

Rule #3–If you have ignored rule #2, (shame on you!), and insisted on trying it on, do not, I repeat, do not, model it for any members of your family. Especially not little girls who love dresses, or over-complimentary husbands and sons.

Rule #4–Do not venture down the road of what I like to call “Amanda Math,” trying to justify how you might keep the dress. Pack it back in the box, and return it to Macy’s as quickly as possible (as was previously suggested in rule #2).

Rule #5–Maybe just block the Macy’s website from your computer.

Rule #6–If you have the will power to actually make it to Macy’s with the dress for the return, don’t look around. You’ll just find yourself back at the beginning of a vicious cycle!