Hawkeye is me anytime I try to play a card game more sophisticated than Uno!

“I’m reminded of a story. You’ve probably heard it. The, uh, King and Queen of this country were playing golf with five clubs, when their son, Jack, remarked how strange it was they had only two hearts between them. Just then, Deucey and her little dog, Trey, started singing ‘Four Diamonds are a girl’s best friend.’ Whereupon the entire family beat her to death and buried her with two spades. Did you get it?…Well, I didn’t. What do I bid?” Alan Alda as Hawkeye Pierce in M*A*S*H