“Fifteen minutes ago was a very good year.” Captain Trapper John McIntyre, “Hot Lips and Empty Arms,” season two, episode 14

“He could give the truth the last rites.” Captain Hawkeye Pierce “Deal Me Out,” season two, episode 13

“Hey, Corporal, is this a little guy about five-foot nothing, anywhere between 50 and 200 years old?” Captain Sam Pak, “Deal Me Out,” season two, episode 13

“Hey, up close you’re a guy.” Captain Halloran, “Deal Me Out,” season two, episode 13

“That’s not my department, sir. Intelligence is something I try to avoid.” Major Frank Burns, “Deal Me Out,” season two, episode 13

“Did I hit the straight? Two, three, four, five…nine.” Captain Sam Pak, “Deal Me Out,” season two, episode 13

“They trapped me in a pay toilet. Cost ’em four dollars in nickels to get me out.” Corporal Maxwell Klinger, “Deal Me Out,” season two, episode 13

“Now, that’s inscrutable.” Captain Hawkeye Pierce, “Deal Me Out,” season two, episode 13

“Radar, whatever it is, sign it, cancel it, or order five more.” Lt. Colonel Henry Blake, “Deal Me Out,” season two, episode 13

“Wow. Did you really call a one-star general a ‘NINCOMPAC?'” Lt. Colonel Henry Blake, “The Incubator,” season two, episode 12