“The cake and the cookies and the underwear were all delicious.” Corporal Radar O’Reilly, “Dear Ma,” season four, episode 16

“Klinger, you’ve got to live before you die.” Colonel Sherman Potter, “Mail Call, Again,” season four, episode 14

“We like to send threatening underwear.” Captain Hawkeye Pierce, “The Price of Tomato Juice,” season four, episode 15

“You know, when you’re mad, you’re ugly?” Captain Hawkeye Pierce, “Mail Call, Again,” season four, episode 14

“She looks like an army mule with bosoms.” Major Frank Burns, “Mail Call, Again,” season four, episode 14

“You better believe it, mister, or I’m dead where you stand!” Corporal Radar O’Reilly (drunkenly impersonating John Wayne), “The Gun,” season four, episode 13

“I’ll be going to jail in my puberty and not coming out until my adultery!” Corporal Radar O’Reilly, “The Gun,” season four, episode 13

“Frank Burns eats worms.” Captain Hawkeye Pierce, “Dear Peggy,” season four, episode 10

“If I had two fevers, I could give you change for a ten.” Major Frank Burns, “Soldier of the Month,” season four, episode 12

“Can you tell me how long Adam and Eve were here before Columbus? I know it was at least 100 years ’cause there was Indians here by then.” Corporal Radar O’Reilly, “Soldier of the Month,” season four, episode 12