“Will the owner of a red pickup truck, Illinois license LU6751, please fly back to Chicago and remove it from in front of the Y.” P.A. Announcer, “The Ringbanger,” season one, episode 16

“He got drunk for two days, and then he ran naked through the mess tent with no clothes on.” Corporal Radar O’Reilly, “Welcome to Korea,” season four, episode one

“What say you, Ferret Face?” Captain B.J. Hunnicut, “Welcome to Korea,” season four, episode one

“Mom sweated a lot.” Major Frank Burns, “Welcome to Korea,” season four, episode one

“What colonel? There’s enough brass in here to make a spittoon.” Captain Hawkeye Pierce, “Welcome to Korea,” season four, episode one

“That’s a new directive from the Pentagon. That’s right out of G2 and G3 making a G5 Combined Officers Op-Tech Glitch. We’re experimenting with a new rank: Corporal-Captain. We’re down here taking a survey, to see, uh, you know, if everybody likes it, uh, asking everybody in Seoul.” Captain Hawkeye Pierce, “Welcome to Korea,” season four, episode one

“For a moment there, you looked like you had a chin.” Major Margaret Houlihan, “Welcome to Korea,” season four, episode one

“We don’t use straws in combat, fella.” Corporal Radar O’Reilly, “Welcome to Korea,” season four, episode one

“You behave yourself, or I’m gonna come back here and kick your butt!” Lt. Colonel Henry Blake’s final line, “Abyssinia Henry,” season three, episode 24

“Yeah, if we had more men like you, we’d have less men like you.” Captain Hawkeye Pierce, “White Gold,” season three, episode 23