“Chicago. Hog butcher for the world. Toolmaker. Stacker of wheat. Player with railroads and the nation’s freight handler. Stormy, husky, brawling, City of the Big Shoulders. Sandberg knew, Radar. Spareribber for the universe! Maker of meat on a bone! The home of the pigsicle! Give me your tired, your poor… your cole slaw.” Captain Hawkeye Pierce, “Adam’s Ribs,” season three episode 11

“The Geneva Convention prohibits the killing of our taste buds!” Captain Hawkeye Pierce, “Adam’s Ribs,” season three, episode 11

“You can’t park a Jeep over a superior officer!” Major Frank Burns, “There Is Nothing Like a Nurse,” season three, episode 10

“It’s rather warm in here. Radar, would you open one of the stained glass windows?” Father Francis Mulcahy, “Alcoholics Unanimous,” season three, episode nine

“Tractor tipped over on my father once, and he walked five miles into the woods to scream.” Lt. Colonel Henry Blake, “Life with Father,” season three, episode eight

“Do I know what you’re saying?” Father Francis Mulcahy, “Life with Father,” season three, episode eight

“You’re angry when you’re beautiful.” Captain Hawkeye Pierce, “Springtime,” season three, episode six

“I’ll carry your books, I’ll carry a torch, I’ll carry a tune, I’ll carry on, carry over, carry forward, Cary Grant, cash-and-carry, carry me back to Old Virginie, I’ll even ‘hari-kari’ if you show me how, but I will not carry a gun.” Captain Hawkeye Pierce, “Officer of the Day,” season three, episode three

“This morning was a very good year.” Captain Trapper John McIntyre “Officer of the Day,” season three, episode three

“I discussed you with everyone you know and they all think you’re disgusting.” Captain Hawkeye Pierce, “Margarets’s Engagement,” season five, episode two